I’ve been working with adolescents for around 16 years in a mental health capacity. I find the growth that happens during this time in human development to be among the most important periods of development – after infancy and early childhood.
The adolescent period is filled with high emotion and fast thinking which leads to a lot of potential chaos. Some issues naturally occur during this time as a teen works to figure out who they are and their relationship with the world around them.
It’s normal for teens to freak out on their parents and to focus more on peer relationships. The perceived touchiness of teens comes from the ongoing cascade of shifting hormones. The tendency to “overreact” comes from the way the teenage brain interprets sensory input. The teen brain interprets neutral faces and body language as aggressive, which tends to leave them feeling like every adult out there is angry and disapproving.
Their brains are firing electric signals at the highest speed possible for a life span. All with a brain that is not fully operational while walking around in what appears to be a grown-up body.
One of the most important elements to keep in mind is that the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully wired and open for business until sometime in the mid-20s. This impacts a teen’s ability to conceptualize the future and manage impulsivity, among other thing.
As adults, we tend to assume that because they are physically grown their brains operate like ours do. This leads to a lot of discord in family relationships. All of this is fairly normal.
Over the last few years, I’ve noticed a change in the issues teens are bringing into my office. The quality of the anxiety and depression that teens present with is more than a chemical imbalance, body image/gender/sexuality issues, or strained home life, all of which are fairly typical. What I’m seeing is more akin to despair and hopelessness.
I am seeing a belief that the world is beyond hope – that between climate, war, and financial crisis they have no way to improve their lives. With kids that are fresh out of college or those who went straight into the workforce, they struggle to find employment that offers enough pay to rent a modest apartment and pay their bills.
Their parents seem to believe that kids just don’t want to take entry-level jobs. So they put more pressure on them to get them going in the right direction. The thing is those entry-level jobs don’t pay enough for anyone to make a living.
I’m listening to middle school students who feel they are not going to have opportunities in the adult world unless they spend every spare moment building their college resume. I watch these same kids experience extreme mental health burnout and the need to take a leave of absence when they get into college. I watch these kids experience stress and fear over how they will afford a house, or if they will ever be able to pay off student loans. I watch these kids give up and shut down in their junior year of high school.
I help these kids learn how to develop flexibility, critical thinking skills, coping skills, and
resource identification. But I only spend about an hour with them once every week or two.
I’m witnessing a significant increase in suicidal ideation within my caseload that is echoed
nationally. The reported number of youth suicide has increased by 62% between 2007-2021. Last year, the United States of America reported the highest number of successful suicide attempts ever recorded. It’s hard to find inpatient facilities with beds available, let alone well-trained and trauma-informed staff.
I’m witnessing an increase in disorder-eating among young men and women. Social pressures connected to excessive social media usage are certainly part of the problem. However, our culture’s obsession with weight, bodily image, and perfection has been around for a long time. It’s important to note that disorder-eating is a complex condition with multiple factors that contribute to the development of symptoms. Most significantly, there’s an overall feeling of lacking control in one’s life and a shortage of emotional freedom.
Kids have experienced a stripping down of academics that only focus on outcomes and
trackable measures. They have lost art and music education almost entirely. They are being targeted by politicians, and funding for school programs gets weaker and weaker. Class sizes are growing, and teachers are overwhelmed and leaving the profession. Kids are often overloaded with repetitive homework assignments that take hours to complete in some cases. The academic aspects along with social media stressors, fear of climate change, and the ever-present fear of school shootings have our kids facing unprecedented levels of stress.
For a neurotypical brain, these levels of stress will impact its development. Ongoing acute
stress at these levels, without intentional stress management, will lead to traumatic stress. That can certainly account for the rise in symptoms I have been witnessing.
What can we as parents and community members do to support our kids in these troubling times?
First and foremost, we can listen – truly listen. Ask open-ended questions, and reflect what you hear back to them. Avoid jumping into problem-solving mode or dismissing their emotional experience. Let them express and feel their emotions. Validate their emotional experience. I can tell you that being heard and validated is often one of the most healing experiences someone can have. Our instinct is to want to fix it or shut it down because the emotional experience is uncomfortable for us as parents or caretakers. But that only increases the emotional discomfort.
Secondly, acknowledge your kids’ strengths, and be specific. Avoid using broad statements like, “You are so smart.” Instead, compliment them on their determination within a subject or how they kept going even when it was hard.
Thirdly, let them fail without shame or guilt. Did Junior bomb his math test? Come to him with compassion and empathy. “Awe man, that stinks. How are you feeling?” You might be surprised to find out that they are already figuring out how to do better next time. If not, after a little time has passed, help them develop a plan to do better next time. Or get outside help by encouraging your kid to start a study group.
Finally, talk about how you manage your feelings. Show them that you are trying to address your mental health by going to see a therapist yourself. Make mental health a priority in your household.
